I love getting stuck behind farm tractors on winding, rural roads. Honest. I do. It's a great reminder to slow down and enjoy the surroundings (and also where food comes from). Also also, it's a great reminder that sometimes things are totally out of our control and it's not worth getting upset about.

I spent a few minutes behind a tractor at the beginning of my long journey around New Jersey today. I drove enough without leaving the state, that if I had left the state and driven south for the same amount of miles, I would have ended up in Fredericksburg, VA. Part of this trip was to try on bridesmaids dresses with my February bride friend and her maid of honor and to sneak a fitting for my December bride friend; part of the trip was to attend a Presbytery committee meeting concerning some funding for my work in New Orleans next year.

Brideslady duties: successful.

Because I had a few hours to kill, I drove a few miles further to hang out with my cool older brother and his sweet dog. He bought me dinner at Surf Taco. Success.

I left with plenty of time to spare to make it to the Presbytery office in New Egypt, so it didn't seem strange when I arrived early and no one else was there. I sat in the parking lot for a while before I started to get nervous. The good thing about being Presbyterian in New Jersey is that it's a pretty excellent, well-connected network, so a few phonecalls later I was talking with one of the pastors on the committee, who delivered the bad news: the meeting is actually tomorrow night.

I just laughed.

I was definitely told it was tonight. I have the email to prove it.

I laughed and laughed and laughed, and started driving back to camp. At least I like driving, especially around New Jersey. I couldn't find the road I was looking for to take the most direct route back to Johnsonburg, so I took a different county road that I'm familiar with, deciding instead to take Route 206 the whole way back. I refer to moments like this as taking the creative route.

But then I realized, I was south of Trenton. I would have to drive through Trenton. I realized this as I entered Trenton. I wasn't upset because it's Trenton and it's not the safest place, I was frustrated because the road sucks through that town and people just walk in front of me while I'm attempting to abide by traffic laws and the lines aren't painted or visible for much of town and there are SO MANY TRAFFIC LIGHTS and I managed to get a red light at almost every single one.

And I got frustrated.

Then I thought back to this morning and how peaceful and happy I felt about the slight delay to my journey, and then got really mad at myself that I wasn't extending that same patience to these minor delays in my trip back north. If I'm trying to live a life that's very intentionally patient, positive and peaceful, why was I being selective in what scenery I was being laid back about?

And then I got really mad at myself.

There was a beautiful sunset happening to my left, and as orange and purple gave way to pink and indigo, I just got more frustrated with myself. It was an awful cycle, and despite the traffic-less, easy drive and the good tunes in the CD player (new mix labelled "270 miles"!), I couldn't get myself out of it. And now I'm back at camp, and it's late, and it's so humid that I'm just sticky and my hair is out of control from the window down and...

I'm not perfect. I tried really hard to be patient but I just can't do it tonight. And that's ok. It doesn't feel like that right now, but I know it is. I had a great drive today and picked dresses with my friends and got to have Surf Taco with my big brother and cuddle with Summer (the dog). As I'd often say during grad school-- tomorrow will be better. Honestly, I'm going to wake up and only remember the friends and brother and Surf Taco and good driving, and if I'm lucky, that gorgeous sunset. In the meantime, I'm going to get a good night's rest.

Peace Corps Update part VI/New Orleans

Peace Corps update, part I
Peace Corps update, part II, III, IV
Peace Corps update, part V

I went on facebook a few days ago, and it prompted me to fill in my work information. While I hate when facebook tries to tell me what to do, I do love my job and was feeling pretty good about my life, so I clicked on the little box to fill it in. This happened:

I don't even know what creepy internet magic lead to this happening, but man did it break my heart to be see it. I'm not going. I KNOW. Ok, facebook? I know. Thanks for the reminder. You know, I would have left in March. I could already be two months into my service. I could already be using my education and experience in a productive, meaningful way. I could already be exchanging ideas and learning about a new place and doing my best to share what I could with people there. I could already be gaining the veteran status that would have been really, really helpful in landing the job I want. But no, facebook, I'm not doing that.

I realize that if I had left in March, I wouldn't be doing anything of the cool things I've been doing lately: exploring the southwest, working in a job I love in a place I love, doing soil surveys, seeing Josh Ritter and the Royal City Band, seeing Josh Ritter and the Royal City Band (yes, I know I wrote it twice), and gearing up to move to Louisiana.

I still have this ghost of Peace Corps haunting me but I am trying to focus on these sorts of things.

So, Louisiana. This will sound totally cliche, but out of the awful experience mentioned above and previously came a lot of soul-searching and head-clearing. I ended up contemplating three futures, and everything just fell together so easily and beautifully in favor of New Orleans.

On August 19, I head to Stony Point, NY for orientation. On August 26, I drive to New Orleans. I'm planning to do the drive in two days, stopping halfway in Kentucky to stay with my awesome cousin and her beautiful family. I've already driven on all of those roads in Pennsylvania, and I love that drive through western Maryland, and this will be the first time I'm in West Virginia in daylight, and this will finally be my first time to Kentucky finally, and I've drive across Tennessee east to west so why not north to south, and Alabama will also be a new state, and...

...and I get easily distracted when I think about roadtrips. Too bad I need to hurry down there and can't really do much besides Interstate Highway travel. I admit if I had more time I would probably just drive through northern Mississippi instead and try to roughly follow the trail the fellows take in O Brother, Where Art Thou.

Focus, Colleen. (Sometimes when I'm nervous about things like moving to a new place and building a new community for myself and meeting new people, ugh, I get really excited about the things I do have control over and am familiar with instead.)

What will I be doing in New Orleans? I'll be working through University of New Orleans and Presbyterian Church of Bayou Blue with a program called CHART, which does a lot of work with natural hazards and wetlands. The original goal was to have someone in this position to help with outreach and education, which I can totally do, but my conversations with the director have been wonderfully productive, and it seems like I will have the opportunity to get more involved with fieldwork and research, connecting with my beloved NRCS and other conservation efforts.

I've never been to the Gulf Coast, so this will be a very cool chance to check out a new environment and a different culture. I'll be living in a house with seven other ladies who will be doing good work in and around New Orleans (four of us are from New Jersey, two of us are Mary Washington alumni, so that's neat). The neighborhood looks pretty sweet and since many people I've talked to about this have been to NOLA, I've received plenty of excellent advice about what to check out. I'm excited about the music scene and the opportunity to see some new trees. Also, this program includes health insurance (TAKE THAT, RSD).



I can't wait to share this adventure with you.

It's a long way to heaven, it's closer to Harrisburg... or York...

Still pretty excited about recently meeting some of my favorite musicians on the planet, I was talking with my friend Abi in my office yesterday. Pretty much as long as I've known her, we've talked about catching a Josh Ritter show together. Jokingly, I asked her how far she'd be willing to travel for a show.

She said three hours.

Last night there was a show in York, PA, which is 2 hours and 50 minutes from camp.

Too bad it was sold out.




Sometimes I wish I could take a step out of my own life and watch it, because it doesn't feel real. I sent a message to the band's guitarist, Austin, half-jokingly asking why the show was sold out. He actually responded shortly thereafter letting me know that he put me on the guest list, so I should come out. Wait, what?

For whatever reason, I'd gone to the office an hour and a half early yesterday morning, and this was so crazy and exciting that the powers that be didn't mind me leaving early. We quickly showered off the incredible humidity that has already overtaken this part of the state and left Johnsonburg about 4:30. We made it in just about three hours, just in time for doors-- slight rush hour troubles but overall a pretty pleasant drive together that did not feel nearly that long. That's what happens when friends take roadtrips that they are excited about, I suppose. I joyfully reflected on the absurd amount of Pennsylvania that I've seen in the past week.

Historic Downtown York was kind of pretty, and really quiet. We actually didn't go too far into downtown, just to the Strand Capitol Theatre, which had a parking garage right across the side street from it. Everything was old and made of bricks though, which I think Fredericksburg, VA (did you know there's one in PA too? I did not, though I did know about the one in TX, I digress...) really made me appreciate.

The theater was lovely. We checked out the merch table and asked their guy where we needed to go with said passes. And he said, "Oh! You're Austin's friends."


Yeah we were!

The show was great (duh, that's why I keep going). We were surprised they didn't play Harrisburg, since we drove past Harrisburg to get there, but I guess that would have been too predictable. One of the things I love about seeing this band (aside from the fact that they are just. great. performers.) is that I keep seeing them in different places with different friends. I'm so thankful for my friends who get me into great music, and it's so much fun to be on the other side of that, too.

So then, after the show. Right? We had these after show passes that we didn't know what to do with. Poor Austin, I sent him about a million messages before we left camp (ok, really, like three) begging for further instructions because I am just not the cool kid. I don't get put on guest lists for concerts. I don't know what to do! But, Austin was busy setting up or eating dinner or whatever, so we just waited after the show until someone told us to keep waiting-- ok, we were good at this part. And of course, the longer we waited, the more my stomach turned in knots and the more my heart raced and the more I contemplated leaving and letting Abi enjoy everyone's company with me-- and then in walks one Mr. Josh Ritter.

There were two other couples left in the theater, so we gave the first one space while they spoke, and then he came over and said hey. And when I explained how excited I was to get Abi to see him, and that I saw him in D.C. with my roommate about a week and a half before, he actually kind of remembered our conversation and guessed where I was from within about 20 miles (so we know which member of the band actually has geography skills). We talked about summer camp. We got pictures. It was awesome.


This guy just smiles and smiles and smiles. He is so cool. 

 

But of course, Austin was no where to be found! Seriously. The guy hooks us up with tickets to a sold out show and then hides from us. Josh had one of the crew members go look for him on the bus, and he did actually come out to say hello. We'd interrupted his meal, but he assured us it needed to cool anyway and spent some time talking to us. This time I didn't give him any crap for geography, because instead he asked me the geography questions (where are you from? to which I replied, my gypsy ass?). I mentioned that I was moving to New Orleans so we talked about that for a while.

I swear, soon I will talk about New Orleans here. But not now. Except that we talked about NOLA for a while and he recommended a vegetarian restaurant and promised it'd be a cool place to live (not that I doubted that, but I am a little nervous about moving).


I wouldn't smile much either if someone interrupted my miso soup, but he's still a pretty cool dude.
 

Abi and I were exhausted but excited. The drive back definitely felt way longer, but we made it alive into the very humid, foggy hills and forests of Warren County. We barely slept before we needed to get up to work, but we survived the day and are still riding high on the fact that we got to hang out with these people-- and again, for me. How awesome is my life? So awesome. Seriously.


Route 22 at 2:45AM 

That brings the mileage total to about 2000 in 11 days, a lot more time spent on highways in Pennsylvania than I would have predicted, but well worth the time and gas (and besides, those last 300 were on Abi's car). My gypsy ass indeed.

Red Oak

Remember my little trees? I once rescued a trio of kittens from the woods and then named them after the local biogeography: Hemlock, Tulip Poplar and Red Oak.

For various reasons, Red ended up in a shelter near Pittsburgh a few weeks ago. She was originally dropped off with a three legged, half blind orange cat called Simon, for whom she'd been acting as a seeing eye guide. It took me a few weeks, but I found them on the shelter's website, listed as Jewel and Jersey.

While I definitely appreciated the orange cat being called Jersey, I could not live with my little Red being called Jewel. What is this, Lillith Fair? No. No no no no no.

I needed to adopt these cats.

I called the shelter to inquire. "Jewel" was listed as having this brother Jersey, but he was not listed on the site. The woman who answered the phone seemed kind of startled that I was able to so accurately describe him to her, but alas, he'd already been adopted.

What kind of person adopts the three legged, blind, weird cat?!

A good person, I suppose, and I'm glad to know he's in a good home.

Somehow, this did not deter me. My original intention was to keep. them. together. But knowing Simon was adopted, possibly as Jersey, possibly renamed again, I still couldn't get Jewel Red out of my head. Mike and I had talked about getting cat(s) after he gets back to Arizona from his summer break back east, and I just really, really, really wanted this cat back.

So I did it. I adopted her. The people at the shelter were actually very kind and actually listened to my story, and did not think of me as a crazy cat lady (or at least, did not act that way to my face or over the phone). And so: roadtrip. Because driving to Virginia over the weekend wasn't enough driving.

It made sense to take the last two days off from camp, now that I'm back working there, because stuff was going on this weekend. Thankfully, all of these years of working at camp have left me with a pretty great network of friends scattered all over, including the amazing Emma Neischloss out close to Pittsburgh. She was a wonderful host and we had a great evening catching up. Visiting her made me feel slightly less crazy about driving a 700 mile round trip for this cat.

Man, I am not helping myself here. I sound like a crazy cat lady.

I hadn't done quite this drive through PA before, and it was strange to me to see mountains covered in grass and trees after my experience with mountains out west this year.

Whatever. Red is great. She is a sweet little love, and slept almost the entire drive home. She is happily exploring her new digs, and not deterred by her less than warm welcome from our other cat (who I kind of thought liked other cats, but I guess she's still a bit confused and lost over the recent changes to the population of my parents' zoo-- the addition of a very loud small dog and the loss of a cat who, as aloof as she was, was kind of her friend). I went back and forth with feeling silly about the effort I have made to rescue this cat, but it's going to be really nice to share this with Mike, and to know he has some company out there, and have this little thing in common as we spend the next year apart.





 

Oh yeah, I still owe an explanation of New Orleans. I promise it's coming soon. Really.

yet another whirlwind roadtrip to VA/DC

My favorite things about whirlwind trips to VA and DC? Whirlwind. Roadtrip. Virginia. Washington, D.C.

Even better when it involves college friends, cousins and a Josh Ritter concert!

And even better yet when I get to start the weekend with a crazy soil survey in a glorious part of New Jersey, although let's be really honest for a second, I think just about all of New Jersey is glorious.

 

I met my soil scientist friend in Woodstown in Salem County to go dig and describe a few pits in a nearby wildlife management area. It was a gorgeous day. The sun shone strongly, but we worked under the cover of the forest so it wasn't too overwhelming. We didn't see many birds, but we definitely heard them. I saw clear evidence of a lot of the chemistry stuffs I've been reading about in a generally confused fashion.

After a good day of digging and texturing and trying to decide how to define the strange colors of the soils made of prehistoric fish poop, I drove to Virginia. It was so nice to already be halfway! I went out toward western Loudoun County, enjoying the Jeep bouncing down these lovely, unpaved, curvy country roads, winding and winding up to my dear friend JT's house in Purcellville. When I got out of the Jeep, I suddenly remembered what humidity is...

Good company, good pizza, good visit there, and the next morning brought me down more winding roads to my cousins in Nokesville, a town with one traffic lights and many horses. My cousins are great. We got to visit Janet at the greenhouse at school, where I acquired a Janet Spain original sweet basil plant that she grew for horticulture. Laura and her mother and I went out for lunch, and I even got to see their dad before heading onward and eastward.

This was my first time visiting Brittany and Adam's new place in Burke! I was really excited, not just because they're grownups and have a sweet townhouse, but because Brittany and I had some awesome plans for the evening.

And then the long drive back, so I could actually be home for Mothers Day, plus I had a beer to bottle, plus I needed to get to camp the next morning to begin another stint as Program Assistant.

But a very good weekend, as per usual. I love visiting Virginia.

Joy to me too!

 

Something I've been looking forward to for a while, was that Brittany got us tickets to see Josh Ritter and the Royal City Band at the 9:30 Club. So this happened last night.

There is exactly one thing in my life that I'm totally, hopelessly fan girl about. (All right, fine, that's not entirely true, but the all of the other things that get me giddy excited are stuff like champion trees, and charismatic geomorphology, and soil surveys.) I've been listening to Josh Ritter since the end of college, and went to my first show just about three years ago. This was my sixth time seeing Josh Ritter, fourth time backed by the full band. These shows are just awesome. Josh is a great performer, witty and gracious and always so positive. The whole band is brilliantly talented, and always look like they're having such a good time.

In addition to being an all around beautiful person, Brittany has this uncanny ability to actually meet and speak with all of her favorite musicians-- Hanson, Rhett Miller, Ben Kweller, Joe Pug. So not only do I get to have a blast at a great show with this girl I adore, but I also have someone encouraging me to find and actually speak with Josh and company.

The show was awesome, as I expected. After, Britt and I waited for the crowd to clear out a little, scored a couple of Josh Ritter's guitar picks from the stage crew, and went to wait by the tour bus that we noticed parked on the side street when we walked in earlier. And after about an hour of standing around being giddy and ridiculous, we watched as Zack Hickman and Sam Kassirer (bass and keys, respectively) walked by, slightly aloof, trying to see what was going on around them but avoiding eye contact as they hurried on the bus. But then, there was Austin Nevins (guitar among other things).

He walked around the corner with a bag in his right hand, and shifted it to his left hand. Brittany's eyes lit up-- she took this as a sign! He must want to shake our hands! And he did. Austin stopped and talked with us for a while. Trying my best to not be totally anxious and awkward, and trying to keep the conversation going, I asked where were his favorite places he's played. I quickly realized in my head that I was asking that question looking for answers about places and travel, but kind of hoped he took it as a question about venues, because I didn't want to get all hyped up about geography and be even more anxious/ weird/ awkward. But he answered: Japan. Cuba. Europe.

Europe?! Europe is not just one country. And of course, I had to open my mouth and say something about that. And then rant on about people constantly referring to Africa like it's one country.

And just as Austin exclaimed with a smile, "Are you giving me shit about geography?!", Brittany laughs at me, "Less than five minutes before we're talking about geography!". Oh no. I am so weird. My stomach hurt. My brain was short circuiting at this point. Well, that's not entirely true. My brain was short circuiting the. entire. time.

So just as this is going down... Josh Ritter walks around the corner. We want to keep talking with Austin because he was really cool, but we also didn't want to miss this opportunity. Brittany and this other guy who was hanging out with us kept talking with Austin and-- something about being around Brittany made me really, really brave-- I reached out my hand as he walked past, and rambled nervously, "Wait, can I thank you? Can I thank you for your music?"

(Amazingly, this is a significant improvement in communication compared to the first time I saw him in concert, and ran into him on the stairs after the show, literally ran into him, and just kind of smiled idiotically and stood there in the way.)

And he stopped. And kind of paused. And shook my hand. And thanked me back.

Thank goodness for my wonderful, amazing friend Brittany. While I was being dumbfounded, she asked if she could get a picture. Josh put his arm around me and we got the other guy hanging out by the bus to get a photo of us with Austin, too. And this was all just happening, really happening.

I was really disappointed to lose Austin in the shuffle, because he was so kind to just stop and chat with us a while. But Josh was also kind, and just as gracious and joyful as I hoped he'd be in real life. Like, these are real people, who are really excited about what they do, and excited to talk about it with other excited people, despite how nervous/ anxious/ ridiculous/ etc. they were trying desperately not to be.

By "they" I mean me.

So awesome. So, so awesome.

Here's my heart.

Yep, I changed the name of this. I never really gave a care one way or the other for "Girl on the Go", and this finally just came to me (only several years after I started documenting my various adventures). I really like the hymn it comes from, and it seems appropriate.

Volunteers of America

I've been volunteering with NRCS for a little more than a year now. It's been basically awesome. I've been getting tons of experience, they've been getting free help, I've been getting free training. I want to work for them. What I'm doing in New Orleans will help prepare me for that as I continue volunteering (more on NOLA soon, promise). This past week was National Volunteer Week, and I received sweet letters and cards and swag and gifts from some of the offices I've been spending time with. They also had me write an article to appear on the state's volunteer info site, and eventually also on the national volunteer showcase. They edited me down, but here's what I had to say (no matter how many times I rewrote it, I never felt like my enthusiasm was properly conveyed. Please, ask me about how much I love NRCS sometime)--

I joined the Earth Team about a year ago to gain more experience in conservation fieldwork while looking for full-time work after grad school. With a background in Geography, I only knew that I wanted to help the environment for a living, but wasn’t really sure how to do that. I was immediately met with a lot of great ideas and opportunities. What started as helping one office with occasional conservation planning and clerical work became an awesome adventure in over 200 hours of greatly varied fieldwork through four different offices (so far!). It’s been really exciting to see so many different places and practices.

I started in New Jersey’s Freehold Service Center. I went with the staff for many conservation planning meetings, helping with surveys, mapping and GIS, and spot checks. I occasionally visited the Columbus Service Center to gain experience with engineering surveys. New Jersey has so much diversity in such a small area, so I was already exposed to a wide variety of projects focused on drainage, irrigation, cover crops, wetlands rehabilitation and wildlife habitats. It’s been very interesting to see the different environments and how conservation practices are adjusted to accommodate them.

In the fall, I was working in northern New Jersey a few days a week, so I decided to call the Hackettstown Service Center to continue my volunteering. I was taking a soil science course at the time, so I got involved with soil investigations all over northern New Jersey, including rural and urban environments. This has really helped me create a broader foundation (literally!) for understanding conservation issues. I’ve been able to help with soil evaluations as well as some outreach, helping lead a fieldtrip for college students and proctor the upcoming Envirothon.

After exploring conservation all over New Jersey, I found myself in Arizona for a few months, so what did I do? Found my nearest NRCS office! Through the Kingman Field Office, I was able to see a completely different side of conservation in the desert of northwestern Arizona. It was certainly eye-opening to see how farming, ranching and conservation take place in such an arid environment, especially compared to the practices I’ve become familiar with in New Jersey. I assisted with Natural Resource Inventory and learned about the desert’s biodiversity. I also helped with surveying on reservation land to prevent erosion of the dry, sandy ground under the rare but heavy rainfall. I mostly assisted with rangeland management projects, spot checking invasive species control and fencing projects.

Since I’ve been back in New Jersey, I’ve been back to helping with more familiar work in soil investigations and conservation planning, as well as some office work. The field is definitely more exciting for me, but I don’t mind assisting with filing and mailings—it’s good to know the background work involved in conservation, and I’m also happy to help out the agency that has given me the opportunity to see so many different ways that conservation is being done. I’m moving to New Orleans in the fall to work for a year, and I’m definitely looking forward to getting in touch with NRCS in Southern Louisiana!

Virginia aside from Muddy Buddy

• Mary Washington Geography. Oh, how I love Mary Washington Geography. I sat down with a few professors during the day to talk about all sorts of nerdy and happy things. I like that they still like me even though I never took GIS and haven't found full time work with my degree yet. YET. I just adore this group of professors.
• lunch time with Laura. I love that Laura goes to Mary Washington. Not only is it an excuse to continue showing up around campus, but it's been a great opportunity to get to know her better and visit with her. It's also a good opportunity to be confused about how much has changed in the short five years since I graduated. 
• Catching up with Courtney. Courtney and I had two classes together freshman year and then no others. We would see each other occasionally but kind of drifted apart into our separate endeavors. Still, she's one of those wonderfully interesting people to talk with, and on a whim I asked if she'd be around. She was! And we got to catch up for the first time since probably 2007. She is a gem.
• Hyperion. Yes.
• Campos family. This was basically my college family. Brian and LeeAnn would allow me to run away about once a semester to sleep in a real bed and eat real food and play with their real, sweet, wonderful kids. I love that the Muddy Buddy has enabled me to make it that far south at least once a year. We enjoyed some movie time together, and I enjoyed a phenomenal night's sleep in their amazing guest bed. We did some yardwork after the race and went to a Flying Squirrels double header. It was such a great weekend (you know, in addition to the accomplishment and excitement that was Muddy Buddy).
• Most epic traffic jam of all time. On Sunday, I was planning to go to church and having lunch in Fredericksburg with Jeremy and Adrienne, but I-95 had other plans. I sat still for an hour, and then crept three miles over the next hour. At first I was really annoyed, but then I was worried-- what kind of gory scene would I be driving up to in a few miles? Well, I got there, and saw various front end loaders and workers cleaning up butternut squash, as far as the eye could see. ha ha ha
• Jeremy and Adrienne. We went to Sammy T's. My life is so happy.
• Arlo and Arlington. I was planning to meet some college friends in D.C. for dinner, but they got a late start coming back from a weekend in NJ of all places, so I hung out in Arlington until I heard from them. Arlo and his parents and I took a walk through Arlington Cemetery and then played in the tulips by the Netherlands Carillon. Dinner at Lost Dog Cafe (yesssss). 
• D.C. I defend the Metro almost as fervently as I defend New Jersey, but that got me nowhere this time. Literally no where. Track maintenance kicked me off three trains, on top of already having to transfer twice to get to Emily's station. It took forever on top of them being later than I'd anticipated. We were all tired, but it was SO SO good to see Boo and Emily.
• Good morning, Arlington. I ended up sleeping over at Arlo's house, in front of one of my favorite windows in the world, their big window overlooking the Marine Corps Memorial with D.C. behind it. Waking up to the sunrise over D.C. was stunning, and Arlo and I got to play a little more before he went to a playgroup and I drove back to NJ. It was all very happy.

Virginia is always a whirlwind for me, but always a very good whirlwind.

How to run with RSD/CRPS

As you probably know by now, I have RSD in my right leg. At least, that's what it was called when I was diagnosed in 2000. Now it's CRPS or RSDS. (Read more here or here, or if you're into the scary stuff, do a Google image search. My mom actually blocked internet searches on the subject when I was first diagnosed because there is some scary stuff out there. My leg looks relatively normal most of the time, thankfully.)

And as you probably also know by now, I run the Muddy Buddy every spring in Richmond (see here and here-- this was actually my fifth one though!).

This year was more nerve-wracking (so punny) than past years because 1. I'm now a year and a half out from my last treatment, as I've been without health insurance that long, so I went into the race in poor condition, and 2. I watched a girl break her ankle on one of the obstacles first thing in the morning and had to think/worry about that all day, until I actually finished the race in one piece.

So, I was entirely too focused on the dull but ongoing pain that I usually ignore. My toes felt like they were in a vice. My heel felt like it was so cold, it was burning. My ankle felt like it was on fire. My calf felt like it had several knives lodged in it, and my shin felt like it was going to explode. My knee felt all kinds of loosey goosey.

My left hip ached because I've been walking and running funny for weeks, compensating for this nonsense.

My quad felt like you would expect a thigh to feel after getting on a bike and riding quickly up and down hills after not riding a bike since the last Muddy Buddy, but at least my quads were in this together.

This is a real, physical disorder. It's not psychological, but stress definitely makes it worse. And man, I was stressed. I was pretty sure I was going to die and/or break my leg on that obstacle at the end. I fell on it last year and bruised my forearms. The thing about why I keep exercising, why I keep doing anything, is because I can't let my leg win. It's just a stupid drama queen. My pain doctor gave me the go ahead years ago to stay active and push myself. The pain isn't really causing any damage (unless I'm actually causing damage, which sounds stupid but you know what I mean), so as long as I can tolerate it, which I mostly can, I can keep going. So: Muddy Buddy 2013.

Aside from the panic brought on by watching that ankle snap so early in the day, it was a great day and I had a blast. We finished the course in a little over an hour, and I don't even care if you aren't impressed, because I FINISHED THE COURSE, and that is all I care about. (1'11" is a lot less impressive when you realize that half of it was on bike, but I deserve some credit back for all of the freaking obstacles along the way, and the creek crossing, and the mud pit at the end.)

One of the best/more embarrassing moments of the race: at mile 1, I came upon a woman having an asthma attack. A friend was with her, and she had her inhaler, and they insisted she was ok, so I gave her my water and continued on. She passed me at mile 3. (I later passed them both again, and when I was limping along at mile 5, they passed me and offered help, but I encouraged them to go finish strong because there wasn't anything to help.) I was actually really glad to see her at mile 3, and know she recovered and eventually finished. It's a very positive, fun race. We want to see everyone finish ok.

And finish ok we did. We had about five minutes before running the Mini Muddy Buddy with my buddy's kids, so mud pit round 2. The mud pit is the whole point for me though, so that was pretty awesome.

Anyway, how do you do a Muddy Buddy, or running at all, with RSD in your leg?

SLOWLY.

But the point is, you do it. I also have these other helpful tips:

1. Skip one of your main triggers, the weather, by spending winter in a desert. Specifically, the Mojave Desert, not Antarctica. This was a huge luxury for me this year. I realize this is not especially practical, but the basic idea here is, find superficial solutions. Which leads me to number 2:

2. Maintain a good relationship with someone who is always warm and doesn't mind you sticking your cold foot on them every chance you get. Thanks, Mike.

3. Make sure you like your doctor and your treatment. One of my favorite professors once accidentally turned her lecture into an important life lesson about not just settling for any old doctor or treatment plan, but seeking out something you are comfortable with. I have been under the care of the same pain doctor for all 12.5 years of this diagnosis, and my visits with him are extremely efficient and effective. We came up with a long-term plan before my insurance ran out, and he was very supportive of me starting that regimen on my terms this month (and at a very steep discount, no less!).

4. Low impact exercise. This year, this meant not really training at all? I hiked and walked a lot. Surely that counts.

5. Maintain a race partner who is not competitive. Brian Campos, you are the best. He doesn't ever seem to care about our time, as long as we finish. We always do. His encouragement after the fourth obstacle, when I was really starting to fret about breaking my ankle at the final obstacle, and his promise to make sure I made it over the wall before he attempted it, basically carried me through the last legs of the race. This tip is also related to number 6--

6. Less stress. This is the one I've been struggling with lately. There was the stress of getting myself all sorts of lost in being unemployed, and then there was the stress of realizing the nerve problems were creeping up on me despite my best efforts, and then there has been the resurgence of many of my high school concerns. While this is not a psychological disorder, as I mentioned, I have big fears of people assuming/treating me like I'm crazy, because some days I limp, and some days I don't. My pain doctor focused on this one when I saw him a few weeks ago. I just need to let it go. I'm great at handling my own worries about it, I'm not so great at handling the worrying about other people's worries about it. Don't worry, I'm fine. And don't assume I'm crazy or faking it. The only faking I'm doing, is fake it till I make it. If I ignore it, it's not as bad.

7. Get health insurance. Check! Coming soon to a Colleen near you! (And I will seriously write more about this soon!)

8. Honesty. This should probably actually be item 6b. Honestly: this thing is getting to me. I'm struggling with it. At this point, it's persistent. I have returned to my old friend Tramadol in lieu of a nerve block until I have health insurance again (and I returned after the race instead of before, because I wasn't ready to deal with the side effects-laden transition into a regular dosage, and I also don't know how this works for me if I have a beer, and I wanted to enjoy the beer garden at the end of the Muddy Buddy, sorry not sorry, Devil's Backbone and being coherent afterwards turned out to be totally worth it).




Moral of the story is: life goes on, as well it should.
tl;dr-- RSD is stupid but I win anyway.

Where I am

One of the best things about McCarran Airport (Las Vegas) is free wireless internet, particularly when one is spending six hours in said airport today. It's a good consolation prize considering I found out yesterday that my credit card gets me into a new fancy pants lounge for free, but that lounge is in the other terminal. Other consolation prizes include my Moe's burrito and the pretty sunrise hitting the mountains.

So that's where I am right now: the airport. Heading home to New Jersey via Charlotte and Philadelphia (because I couldn't rationalize a layover in New York City to fly to Philadelphia but it was $40 more to fly just to New York or Newark).

Where I am in my life, personally, emotionally (and metaphysically, as Si Robertson would say)...

...that's another story. I am really, really excited for my new adventure in New Orleans starting at the end of the summer, which is sounding better and better all the time (I promise more details soon). I'm excited about another summer at Johnsonburg doing a job that I love. I'm excited about working at the Jersey Shore Arts Center a little in the meantime. I'm excited to see my parents, my family, my friends, the ocean, and pine trees. I'm excited to run the Muddy Buddy in Richmond with Brian in April and see Josh Ritter in D.C. with Brittany in May (and see what other Virginia shenanigans I can create).

I'm really sad that my cat won't be there when I get back tonight.

I'm really really sad about being so far away from Mike. I have a lot of things to be thankful for and excited about, but today it's feeling a lot like, "Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"

There are things I will miss about Arizona. The desert turned out to be pretty interesting, full of very unique beauty and some glorious adventures. I will miss my hilly morning walks, the weird desert plants, the big sky, and how nice my hair looks when humidity is absent.

I will not miss being unemployed. That made me nuts.

I'm doing all right. Actually, my life is generally pretty awesome these days. And, now that I've wasted some time putting some words down, only one more hour till boarding begins!