I love getting stuck behind farm tractors on winding, rural roads. Honest. I do. It's a great reminder to slow down and enjoy the surroundings (and also where food comes from). Also also, it's a great reminder that sometimes things are totally out of our control and it's not worth getting upset about.

I spent a few minutes behind a tractor at the beginning of my long journey around New Jersey today. I drove enough without leaving the state, that if I had left the state and driven south for the same amount of miles, I would have ended up in Fredericksburg, VA. Part of this trip was to try on bridesmaids dresses with my February bride friend and her maid of honor and to sneak a fitting for my December bride friend; part of the trip was to attend a Presbytery committee meeting concerning some funding for my work in New Orleans next year.

Brideslady duties: successful.

Because I had a few hours to kill, I drove a few miles further to hang out with my cool older brother and his sweet dog. He bought me dinner at Surf Taco. Success.

I left with plenty of time to spare to make it to the Presbytery office in New Egypt, so it didn't seem strange when I arrived early and no one else was there. I sat in the parking lot for a while before I started to get nervous. The good thing about being Presbyterian in New Jersey is that it's a pretty excellent, well-connected network, so a few phonecalls later I was talking with one of the pastors on the committee, who delivered the bad news: the meeting is actually tomorrow night.

I just laughed.

I was definitely told it was tonight. I have the email to prove it.

I laughed and laughed and laughed, and started driving back to camp. At least I like driving, especially around New Jersey. I couldn't find the road I was looking for to take the most direct route back to Johnsonburg, so I took a different county road that I'm familiar with, deciding instead to take Route 206 the whole way back. I refer to moments like this as taking the creative route.

But then I realized, I was south of Trenton. I would have to drive through Trenton. I realized this as I entered Trenton. I wasn't upset because it's Trenton and it's not the safest place, I was frustrated because the road sucks through that town and people just walk in front of me while I'm attempting to abide by traffic laws and the lines aren't painted or visible for much of town and there are SO MANY TRAFFIC LIGHTS and I managed to get a red light at almost every single one.

And I got frustrated.

Then I thought back to this morning and how peaceful and happy I felt about the slight delay to my journey, and then got really mad at myself that I wasn't extending that same patience to these minor delays in my trip back north. If I'm trying to live a life that's very intentionally patient, positive and peaceful, why was I being selective in what scenery I was being laid back about?

And then I got really mad at myself.

There was a beautiful sunset happening to my left, and as orange and purple gave way to pink and indigo, I just got more frustrated with myself. It was an awful cycle, and despite the traffic-less, easy drive and the good tunes in the CD player (new mix labelled "270 miles"!), I couldn't get myself out of it. And now I'm back at camp, and it's late, and it's so humid that I'm just sticky and my hair is out of control from the window down and...

I'm not perfect. I tried really hard to be patient but I just can't do it tonight. And that's ok. It doesn't feel like that right now, but I know it is. I had a great drive today and picked dresses with my friends and got to have Surf Taco with my big brother and cuddle with Summer (the dog). As I'd often say during grad school-- tomorrow will be better. Honestly, I'm going to wake up and only remember the friends and brother and Surf Taco and good driving, and if I'm lucky, that gorgeous sunset. In the meantime, I'm going to get a good night's rest.