01 September 2014

Pro tips: 9 ways to stay awake behind the wheel

I don't know if you know this about me, but I travel a lot.

I spent the past week in New Jersey on "vacation", alternating cleaning and packing up the last of my things at my parents' with wedding errands and going to the beach. I drove back to Richmond early this morning, just the most recent of my marathon drives. Thankfully, it wasn't too much of a marathon-- I think everyone is still enjoying the rest of the long holiday weekend. But I have many strategies to keep myself alive, awake, alert and enthusiastic as I drive everywhere:

1. Nerd stuff. I learned to listen to public radio when I lived in a rural part of New Jersey, when my job involved driving all over the place and that was the only station that really came in there. I have taken to saving up my favorite NPR podcasts for long drives, and in listening to WNYC on this last trip home, I learned about smartbinge.org. Game changer.

2. Mike's deer game. This is a good one at dusk and nighttime on rural roads, as one should be keeping an eye out for deer anyway. When you spot a deer or many deer, count them out loud. Next time you spot more deer, you have to start counting from where you left off. This is a good game to play with a passenger if you're competitive, or to get them to help you remain vigilant for our white-tailed friends.

3. The song game. This is another one Mike taught me, and requires a friend if you're driving (we use this one on long flights, too). Let shuffle choose a song on your mp3 machine. Then, before the song is over, you have to pick out a word or theme or phrase that is in another song, and switch to that song, and repeat. Surprisingly kills a lot of time.

4. Accents. An anonymous man I am related to once told me that while he was waiting in his car one day, he sang Jerry Lewis's "Great Balls of Fire" with the most fake English butler sort of accent he could muster. I usually just stick to reading signs in funny made up voices. Today's drive south featured me repeating "Thornburg" in various iterations of southern drawl.

5. Back stories. Mike is good at this one. It usually happens because someone around us is driving poorly, and then we pass them and learn that it's a really sweet old couple. Mike will make up voices and stories about where they're from and what they're up to. Spoiler alert: most of Mike's characters' voices are some kind of Jewish New York, nasally old lady, or nasally teeny bopper.

6. Scan the radio. One time, Mike and I drove the church's luggage van to a retreat, and couldn't agree on a radio station, and just let the scan button run the. entire. time. Actually, that's a lie. We stopped every time Cee Lo Green's "F You" came on, which was 15 times during the course of a 2.5+ hour trip.

7. Alphabet game. Yes, this old standby. Search for each letter of the alphabet on signs and license plates, in order. One round of this game featured my friends' sweet daughter on the way home from dropping her grandparents off at the Allentown Airport in PA. She thought XXX was a very strange name for a store. Yes, sweet child, yes it is. But we did find the whole alphabet.

8. Mental math. This is a good one. When I was a kid, my dad took my brothers and me to visit his grandmother in the hospital. We asked him how much longer, because the drive from Toms River to Montclair seemed forever long. He said we'd arrive at 1:13. We arrived at 1:13. He later taught me that going 60mph means a mile per minute. I read the mile markers and try to math how long it will take me to get to my destination, or to other places along the way. It has greatly improved my basic math skills as well as my travel superpowers.

9. Lip sync contest, inspired by Jimmy Fallon. This is one I play by myself, because Jimmy Fallon does not tend to take roadtrips with me, nor do John Krasinski or Paul Rudd. But I play my music and do my most enthusiastic lip sync, leaving all of the drivers around me impressed with my zeal. I specialize in Motown (The Temptations, Stevie Wonder and Jackson 5) and rapping (G. Love and The Roots), although today I think I offered a very convincing rendition of "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego", which yes, is obviously on my ipod. Other highlights: Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom", Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now", and I almost have Johnny Cash singing "I've Been Everywhere" down.

So I'm back in Richmond now, and starting another adventure tomorrow: my new job...

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