Born and raised Presbyterian Church (USA), I have come into the church on my own as an adult. It is absolutely the right fit for me. And please remember, whether you agree with me or not, our beliefs are equally precious (I say that as much for me as I say it for you, dear reader).
As a young person involved in The Church, I am asked pretty regularly why are young people are leaving The Church, do I think? I have all sorts of opinions on the subject, some from person experience of watching friends and family fall away from active involvement, some from things I've read (An Open Letter to the Church and Why millennials are leaving the church are two that have stuck with me), some from easy assumptions on why people might not be interested in a lecture on Sunday mornings with nothing going beyond the four walls it takes place in.
There's also this article about fact checking and the use of technology in faith, and this article called "Seven Ways Christians Blow It".
My take? I could talk about it all day, which is why I'm surprised that well over a week later I am still struggling to answer the seemingly simple, harmless, opposite question posed to me by a gentleman at the PEC conference: why have I stayed with The Church?
As one of my smart friends say when he's stalling, trying to think of a logical answer, "That's a great question!"
I'm presently that awkward age between young enough for youth group and old enough to have a baby to be baptized and send to youth group.
I stayed involved with various choirs because I am passionate for music and I loved the community despite the steep age gap, which went something like this: me, the choir director's wife (+2 years, and has since left because they have cute kids), the choir director himself (+what, 4 years?), and then I'm pretty sure his mother-in-law is the next oldest person, and it increases sharply from there (I'm sure I'm forgetting a soprano or something, but the average age is still most definitely retired). So while I love the opportunity to make a joyful noise, it is not a community that I spent time with because they are in the same stage in life.
I stayed involved with the youth group because I love those kids dearly, and I think it's important for youth to have people besides their parents cheering them on. Even this has been complicated, perhaps by my young appearance. On mission trips, I am rarely taken seriously as an adult outside of my own youth group, because once I put on paint pants and an old t-shirt, I look roughly 18 at best (while wearing grown up clothes brings me up to maybe 20 if I'm having a good hair day). And at church, where they all knew I had returned after graduating from college, I was asked if other adults would be chaperoning retreats with me. Yes, usually there were, but I was really bothered when one dad asked me once, "Is your mom going on this trip, too?" No. My mother hasn't been a youth group leader since the late 80s, when she was my age.
Have I been asked to take on other responsibilities? I was nominated to serve as a deacon once, when I was deep in the dark pit of writing my thesis. There was not time to serve on committees and finish grad school and sleep and eat real food once in a while and talk to people besides aforementioned youth. I've been asked to be a confirmation mentor, but not by any adults, by the again aforementioned youth I've spent so much time loving. I was sent on a mission trip to Malawi once. It was incredible and life-changing and important and beautiful, but I had to beg people to listen to my stories and include me in subsequent Malawi ministry related things, even though one of the deals of sending me in the first place was that I would report back afterward.
But this isn't really about my oh-so-complicated relationship with my ever-so-beloved home church.
You still with me? Thanks. I really, really appreciate it.
When I think about the ways that I along with other people roughly my age experience The Church, it has nothing to do with four walls and adopting dozens of choir grandparents and loving middle school
I like to be challenged in ways that involve a little work and a little support to be successful. Don't spoon feed me my faith. Make me think a little bit. Help me figure it out.
Trust me with stuff. I want to help. I have ideas. But my life is seventeen different kinds of topsy-turvy with half the work telling me I'm a slacker for not having a full time job. I had six W2s in 2012. I barely broke the poverty line while paying down student loans, commuting to at least two of those jobs, and volunteering to get experience in my field in hopes of someday actually getting one of these mystical full time jobs. So trust me with stuff, like I'm an adult, but find ways to include me without asking for a three year commitment.
Don't call me a youth. This has happened as recently as last week.
Somebody please figure out how to include me in fellowship with people who are roughly my age. I don't know the answer. I don't hate people who are married and have children, and I'd love to hang out with them, but I don't think we can automatically be grouped together without a little bit of intentionality. Having someone my parents' age organize it for us doesn't work, either. Young adult fellowship should not be an older version of playdates.
I don't require loud, contemporary music. Actually, I really like hymns a lot. I'm totally open to a good Smörgåsbord, but new praise songs won't automatically win my heart.
Neither will coffee, or brunch, or beer, but I will welcome those things as accessories to the experience.
Please stop it with the gay thing. I'm pretty sure we're just supposed to love each other. The Bible is full of great stories and good advice and guidance, but you can't tell me you believe it's infallible and perfect as you continue to wear polyester and eat shellfish. The Bible has a lot of other things to say about marriage that our culture doesn't like to adhere to. Humans wrote it. Humans are the worst. Humans are also complicated (and so is marriage!). Please don't tell them they're wrong or try to keep them separate or prevent them from being happy. If you don't like it, stay out of it. I don't think it really affects your life or marriage.
Encourage me to overlap my spiritual life with the rest of my life. Spiritual practices go well beyond sitting in a pew on Sundays. How was I unaware for this long that fellowship and hospitality, that teaching and studying can be spiritual practices?! Seriously. This occurred to me this year when it came up as a question in one of my YAV interviews. I fumbled my way through that answer.
Encourage me to build my spiritual life into a meaningful life, period. Vocation is a very powerful thing.
Do I add much to the general discussion about this stuff? Probably not, but this stuff isn't just words on pages (web pages or real pages). I am a real life young adult who really feels this way.
This has gotten totally long and out of hand. I'd love to talk about this more if you're interested. A lot of this has come up in my brain lately because I've been trying to weigh my values with my wedding plans as I'm currently scheduled to get married in the beautiful sanctuary of a church that I no longer agree with, as well as seemingly harmless but ultimately very convoluted questions posed by well-meaning gentlemen at great conferences. I would actually love to hear your opinion as Mike and I think on these things together.
I'm fairly confident in my faith and its many outlets (spiritual practices, now that I know what they are!), but I like to have an institutional outlet for it, too. I can't figure it out all on my own. I think it's really important for people to seek what is true to them. I'm just a young adult trying to figure it out for myself, too.
"...you can't tell me you believe it's infallible and perfect as you continue to wear polyester and eat shellfish" Amen sistah!
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